Some refused to speak because it must have been too painful. As if speaking about it was a way of trying to figure it out, of beginning the long, painful process of grieving and moving ahead. Some even sought me out because they wanted to talk. Others spoke because they felt a need to defend themselves even though no one had pointed an accusing finger at them. For weeks I staggered through it, searching out other lost, wandering souls. Returning to Middletown was like stepping into a thick fog of bewilderment, fury, agony, and despair. As soon as I heard the news, I went home to Middletown, determined not to leave until I understood what had happened there. One doctor described it to me as "an earthquake in the head."Īt the moment of Gary's death I was in the library at the state university, where I was a sophomore studying journalism. The parts of the brain that control breathing and heartbeat stop. In the seconds that follow, the brain swells with blood and other fluids. Not only does a bullet destroy whatever brain tissue is in its path, but the shock waves from the impact severely jar the entire organ, ripping apart millions of delicate structures and connections. The brain is a fragile organ suspended in a liquid environment. After the bullet smashed through the left side of his skull and tore into his brain, he probably lived for ten to fifteen seconds. on Friday, February 27, Gary Searle died in the gymnasium at Middletown High School.
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